From Hell I Came......

Class Of 1984

2008-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

Well it has been a while. This is awesome 80's trash. Not too gory. Feels a tad sleazy though. We got some hardcore punk stereotypes. These dweebs for some odd reason run the crime in the school. A new idealistic teacher arrives. He learns the hard way why hippie logic does not always work.

This is just great. Roddy D from Planet of the Apes fame is great. He's a drunken teacher pushed too the edge. Cool scene is him teaching class at gun point. Michael J Fox takes an early role here too. I loved it when he got stabbed.

This is one of those flicks where the cops are useless. Justice is too hippy fried. So one must learn to kick ass and survive.

We also have good set of hardcore cardboard cut outs. Timothy Van Patten sticks out as the psycho gang leader. And the other three are good too. Especially their drug expert Drugstore. He has the best lines. We also get to see a bad punk gig for a minute. Well good trash. Bad review.

Rob Zombie's Halloween

2007-12-31T08:51:00.000-08:00

I may sound like a jerk here. Sorry Rob. You missed the mark. Your infatuation with red neck culture has ruined this. I know this was supposed to be a new take. However my Lord man, shots of crusty toes? Insane dialog far worse than any red neck I've met. And I have lived among some scum being a poor white kid growing up. And old Malcolm Mcdowell just phoning it in. I'm sorry this is just crap. And your music never was much either.

I Am Legend

2007-12-22T09:19:00.000-08:00

The Third theatrical official adaption of Richard Mattheson's 1950's novella. This takes more of The Omega Man approach. So hardly nothing of the book is here. Will Smith surprised me here. This was a different take for him. Although the German Sheppard was the best actor in this.

The cinematography was good. All the shots of NY City a mess at the start. I loved it. This movie moved a tad slower than I thought. No shaky cam crap. The cgi zombie freaks could use a little work. Not bad though. I recommend a rainy night with all 3 versions for beer and pizza.

From Dusk Till Dawn

2007-12-18T07:35:00.000-08:00

Here is in my opinion a first attempt at a grind house style flick from Mr.Tarintino and Mr. Rodriguez. Complete with nods to the films that came before. A kid in a shirt that says Precinct 13. George Clooney's character mentioning the Wild Bunch. One of the first examples of amplified violence in cinema. And the final third which is Precinct 13, Night of the Living Dead, Rio Bravo and Wild Bunch style carnage all together. I also think they were nodding mildly toward the biker genre with the bar scenario.

We got here what starts off as a bad ass criminal on the run movie that turns into the above mentioned. Complete with goofy Tarintino dialog and his foot fetish. Obviously written in there by him. Since he was the main scribe here. I can't help but think. That old Quentin was playing an amped up version of his foot licking weirdo self. His fantasy idea of himself as a dangerous geek. We also get some genre vets like Fred Williamson. FX/Gore man Tom Savini plays a biker. Harvey Keitel and Juliette Lewis also appear. This her second turn in a film that had something to do with Mr Foot Licker. And Cheech Marin plays 3 different people.

Well to sum this up. Quite a fun damned near non stop ride. Enjoy. By the way even with the gore. Mr. Quentin Foot Licker is the most disgusting thing here.

The Funhouse

2007-12-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

This gem from back in 1981 proves Tobe Hooper was once a good horror director. Not a high body count. Not a lot of action at first. What this film shows is how seedy a lot of carnivals can actually be. It makes great use of the carnival setting. At times it is almost surreal. And yes a lot of inbred mutants are at carnivals. Just check out the Hamilton County Fair here in town in August.

Overall this a good little slasher. Complete with some tribute to those before it. Also the survivor girl was a little different this time. And Kevin Conway plays the role of 3 different scumbags. Check it out.

House of the Dead Nano Review

2007-11-28T23:27:00.001-08:00

This movie is silly but enjoyable to degree. Uwe Boll really is a crappy director. Silly movie. Silly dvd with silly extras. Silly metrosexuals go to silly island to seek silly rave. Crap.

Maniac Cop 2

2007-11-26T07:13:00.000-08:00

Here we have the sequel to Maniac Cop. Old officer Cordell is still kickin'. This time in a cool Mad Max Leather jacket, and a new sfx make up zombie face. He takes out the survivors of the first film. Then he teams up with a crazy hick who strangles strippers. Ultimately all Cordell wants is revenge against the bozo's who did him wrong.

We got Robert Davi as a hard ass detective complete with fedora and trench coat. Claudia Christian as a bumbling police shrink, and that annoying fat mayor dude from Godzilla '98 as the corrupt commissioner. The show is stolen however by Leo Rossi as the stripper killer. Long hair. Beard, pants up to his chest and all dorkiness. Bruce Campell and Laurene Landon from the first one show up for a bit to get killed.

We get to see some great cinematography of New York. Particularly times square. Before it became a mtv theme park lol.We also get the best police station shoot up I've ever scene. Better than the one in Terminator. And we get a prison revenge spree as well.

I managed to find this for $2.75 on vhs. It was going for as high as 30 bucks. so perhaps I got lucky. There is yet to be an American dvd release. Well hopefully that will change.

Saw

2007-11-21T07:52:00.000-08:00

What we have here is one mess of a movie I oddly enough enjoyed. A serial killer who traps you and makes you do yourself or another in. Cool. Sleazy detectives, 742 plot twists. Fine. I felt Cary Elwes lost a little in his performance of the not so goody good doc, in the end. This was not as bad as I felt it would be. That clown dummy was scary. I should have known though that orderly was too big a bitch to be the true Jigsaw. Well perhaps I'll check out the rest of these when I find them on the cheap. My biggest objection was the mtv jump cuts used a bit to appeal to the mall crowd.

Laserblast

2007-11-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

Laser blast is a silly late 70's sci fi drive in work. We have a bullied kid who actually is a stud mcmuffin. Said stud mcmuffin is bullied by the evil stud mcmuffin and his nerd side kick. We have two inept deputies who also harass Mr. Mcmuffin. These cops also provide cheesy comic relief.

Bullied kid finds a laser in the desert left by some semi inept stop motion aliens. The laser also has an amulet with it that seems to make you into a Dawn of the Dead 78 zombie. Well our bullied boy starts blasting up the town after eons of nothing happening. And is finally zapped by the goofy aliens.

This was a quite fun waste of time.

The Hitcher 1986

2007-11-19T11:05:00.000-08:00

This is really good simlpe cat and mouse flick. It gets going from the first scene and never let's up. It does not rely on gore or other goodies like boobies. However it does create a degree of tension. Rutger Hauer steals the movie as it's demented protagonist. I also like all the gung ho small town cops we see wanting to nail C. Thomas Howell with no evidence. The desert scenery was also quite excellent. And Rutger Hauer playing with snot spit in his face is priceless. Look for Armin Shimmerman as a police detective. He is better known as Quark on Deep Space Nine. I hear this was a made for cable ordeal and never seen a cinema screen. It would have been even better at a drive in.

Fright Night Mini Review

2007-11-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

A great little suburban vampire flick from 1985. Roddy Mcdowall stole the show. As a washed up horror actor cum horror host turned vampire killer for real. An apple munching vampire who would figure? This I hear the 2nd highest grossing horror film of 1985 to Nightmare on Elm Street 2. They have one thing in common. Gay themes. By the way the Evil Ed dude in this became a gay porn star. Well to each their own. Rock n Roll.

The Howling 4 The Original Nightmare

2007-11-15T23:18:00.000-08:00

More like the Howling Bore. Supposedly this is closer to the source novels than the original film. It still does not help pick up the pace of this snooze fest. The last act is ok though. We have a melting man, that reforms into a werewolf. Wow lol. If you are a fan of bad 80's crap though this will do you justice. I almost thought that this was the one rumored to not actually have a werewolf. I hear that is actually part 5. I'll be looking into that soon.

Maniac Cop Review

2007-11-15T08:47:00.000-08:00

A flick from the quirky mind of Larry Cohen and the sleazy direction of William Lustig. We got a once Dirty Harry style super cop who was wronged by the politicians. So he takes his revenge on just anybody.

This flick has Shaft, 70's drive in god William Smith, and good ole' Bruce Campell. Genre vet Tom Atkins is here too. The photography of a pre Gulliani NY is great. This film is well paced and a great Drive In Flick. And the anti police hysteria is great. Love that seen where some lady shoots a cop who pulls her over. I liked this old piece of crap so much I went online and ordered it's sequel. Which was going as high as 30 bucks for a vhs. I saw one listed for $2.75 cents among the 5 or 6 for the above mentioned price. I'd higly suggest checking out more from both Cohen and Lustig. I have and will continue to. A cheesy review once again.

The Brood

2007-11-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

Here we have a whacked out little flick form Mr. David Cronenberg. This pushes issues form domestic violence, child abuse, divorce, and 70's pop psychology to name a few.

We got famous booze guzzler Oliver Reed playing a 70's pop psychologist. This guy uses a method that causes patients to manifest their rage and/or sadness physically. Via welts, sores, lymphatic cancer, or evil little monster clone kids. As the title states.

This was one creepy little flick. Those evil little bastard monster kids will give you nightmares. And the "birth seen" will still do a number today. As well as a scene with kid monsters doing killing in front of little kids. This has renewed my interest to s degree in the weirdo known as Cronenberg.

Sister Streetfighter Mini Review

2007-11-13T10:24:00.000-08:00

The most outrageous Streetfighter that I've seen yet. Sonny Chiba takes a back seat here to Sue Shiomi. Tons of wacked out villians. No plot that I can really tell. Well worth the dollar I payed.

Hardware

2007-11-11T10:39:00.001-08:00

What we got here is The Terminator meets Mad Max in a seedy goth/industrial bar. Some jerk finds an android head in the desert that was once New Jersey before the apocalypse. Gives it to his girlfriend who sculpts junk into art.

O.K we get a radio station with Iggy Pop as the nutty DJ. Everyone is filthy and nasty. We get a cameo by Lemmy who plays a song by his own band. Also we have sculptor girl watching a video of jerks who look like GWAR, but it's a Ministry song playing. Both bands of which are not true music but band wagon crap. We also get a sci fi sex scene in a shower to tunes of PIL. Which at this point had Martin Atkins on drums who was also a touring drummer for Minsitry in the late 80's on their live video anyhow. O.K back to the point.

Everyone in this movie is a creep. Hell there is even a voyeur creep. Well to the point on this oddball cyber punk crap. Robot puts itself back together from house hold junk. Winds up it was once a model made for population control. It goes back on it's homicidal quest. It gets done in about 50 times before finally biting the big one. The show ends with Iggy announcing that said droids are to be mass produced creating 800 new jobs. By the way the droid was named after a bible verse. Mark 13. Let no flesh be spared. Based on a story from comic 2000 AD which also had a character named Judge Dredd.

The House That Dripped Blood

2007-11-08T23:16:00.001-08:00

Here we have an anthology of stories penned by Robert Bloch author of Psycho. This is one of numerous anthology films put out by Amicus studios back in the day.

We have a Scotland Yard Detective investigating the case of an actor who has disappeared. He ask the local officer about the case and this sets up our stories. All of the tales have something to do with an old house.

First off we have the story of a horror novelist. He rents the house as place to relax to get over his writer's block. Suddenly he starts seeing his villain come to life. He goes to see a shrink. The villain is actually his wifes lover. Alas a twist hits her in the end too. Cool little story.

Next we have a gentleman living in the house who visits a wax museum in town. He gets obsessed over a figure of a woman. His pal comes to town gets the same obsession. Our friends wind up with their heads in the display. Another good one. This one starred Peter Cushing.

Then we have a father and his young daughter move in. He is very overprotective to the point of hiring a tutor. She does not socialize with other kids. We learn that mommy was a witch. Daddy gets the voodoo doll treatment. Good.
This had the other Hammer icon Christopher Lee.

Last we have the current case of the missing actor. Seems his arrogant self is not happy with the props on his current film set. So he goes to a costume shop to buy a nice vampire cape. Winds up this cape make one a vampire. I saw the wires in some the flight scenes. lol. Decent. Which leads us back to our cop. He goes to the old house and discovers the vampire and gets it.

This was a good piece of Brit horror. I really liked it. Good movie not at all schlocky. Plus it has Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, and eurobabe Ingrid Pitt. I also enjoyed how all the stories had a moral ala Twilight Zone.

Rasputin The Mad Monk Mini Review

2007-11-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

Well viewing the Satanic Rites of Dracula got me in the mood for more Hammer Films and Christopher Lee. So I popped in this little gem from 1966. It's about the womanizing, gluttonous,wine guzzling freak monk Rasputin. He has the power to heal and harm. He's a megalomaniac who eventually hypnotizes his way into the Russian imperial court. Getting control over the Czarina, and causing general mayhem. Eventually some of the Czarina's associates decide to deal him in. Seems Rasputin was 12 years before Michael Myers as far as freaks who don't know how to die are concerned. They poison him good. He just won't croak. Finally he is thrown out a window and his stunt dummy goes splat.

While factually out of touch this movie rocks in it's own right. Christopher Lee puts on a fine performance. This movie is also set Hammerville. Where Russians speak with British accents. The sets were a treat and it had a decent production quality. Another good job for Mr Lee. A nice piece of Vintage Hammer Horror as well.

The Satanic Rites Of Dracula

2007-11-06T22:55:00.000-08:00

James Bond spy thriller meets Hammer Film's Dracula. We have odd occult rituals with a girl being killed and eventually revived. We got a government spy who witnesses said event and gets killed. The English Secret Service wants nothing to do with the case due to the amount of big wigs involved. So they dump it on A Scotland Yard detective. Who eventually enlist the help of an occult expert named Van Helsing lol.

What we have here is basically Dracula posing as reclusive real estate mogul bent on world domination. Using a new super strain of bubonic plague. What Dracula actually wants to do is wipe off mankind. Ending his food supply and ultimately commit a form of over the top suicide. Well we get a few confrontations with Dracula's wool vest clad 1970's henchman. A few scuffles with his chained up vampire brides. One vampire chick even gets a stake under her exposed booby. Good fx for the era. We also get good a good performance from Peter Cushing as the latter day Van Helsing. He gives some great rants. Christopher Lee was good as the not seen too much Dracula. Although at some points it seemed you could tell he did want to do this movie. Have to say he looked great getting himself tangled in a Hawthorne bush.

Overall not as bad as some may say. A good way to kill 80+ minutes. Cushing provides that much needed Hammer touch. Coulda' used a little more blood but oh well.

Grave Of The Vampire Mini Review

2007-11-05T23:42:00.000-08:00

Another old drive in flick. This time from the good ole' U S of A!!! We begin with a couple leaving a frat party in 1940. They go of all places to a graveyard to make out. The camera looks at a crypt for a few minutes. They make out in the car. Wham creepy old vampire comes from said crypt. He rips the car doors off. Breaks the dude's back on a headstone. To top off this opening scene he takes the girl and rapes her in an open grave. Then runs away as dawn approaches and hides in a basement of some house under old clothes. The girl goes to the hospital and is interviewed by a cop who believes she was raped by a vampire. She even points out a mug shot of the once alive vampire. Needless to say the cop is killed by said vampire whilst checking out the graveyard. The girl leaves the hospital being informed that she is pregnant with a fetus that is dead. The Doc recommends an abortion.(Were these legal in 1940?)She refuses. Later she has a baby that only feeds on blood. Baby grows up, she dies.

The child grows up able to handle daylight, seeking to kill it's father. Apparently said vampire has been teaching night classes on the occult at various colleges. WTF? Well no more spoilers mayhem ensues as the vampire realizes what is happening. Some females get killed, and a bunch of students get it after a seaance held by professor vampire. Father gets killed by son, son becomes vampire. The End Or Is It?

Another old dvd with a crappy transfer that brings me back to the days of the late night Friday Night Frights on local tv in my youth. Oh how the hell do you spell seance?

This also starred cult muscle head William Smith as the kid. And Michael Pataki as the Vampire.

Horror Rises From The Tomb Mini-Review

2007-11-05T00:34:00.000-08:00

Another trip into Eurotrash. Once again Paul Naschy is in a movie penned by himself. Playing 2 and a half different characters. We get a mix once again of 489 different horror plots. We got a warlock and his witchy woman being executed. He is beheaded with head buried separate. We got his dumb descendent looking for his head many years later. Craziness ensues. Backward French yokels, a few zombies, some possession, and other mumbo jumbo. A few 70's eurobabes but no boobies in this print Damn It. Those ladies are so much hotter than todays mall look I tell ya. Well if you are looking for plot.Good Luck. Cheesey B movie fun, Hell Yeah. Gotta love those grainy washed out prints of these films. Makes you get that nostalgic feeling of staying up without permission and watching the late show on Friday nights at 10 years old.

The Night She Arose From The Tomb Mini Review

2007-11-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

Well another trip into Eurotrash goes Mr. Palmer. Here we have some dude who keeps on picking up chicks that resemble his dead wife. He takes them back to his gothic manor(He's rich) and beats them with whips and kills them. All while imagining his wife doing some jerk in the garden.

Meanwhile he is surrounded by scheming relatives and layabouts. Who are all out for his cash. We once again have a melding of 47 different horror sub genres. Giallo meets Gothic Horror bent over and raped by a couple of left field plot twist. Shit this is actually typical of Giallos from Spain and Italy. Well we get to see some boobies and this is pure fun whilst a bit sleazy. We need a new drive in circuit in America.

Vengeance Of The Zombies Mini Review

2007-11-03T01:17:00.001-07:00

Well my first time checking out a Paul Naschy movie all the way through. Fun, sleazy, and a blend of 75 different horror sub genres. We have zombies in the voodoo servant sense, a black gloved masked giallo killer, a hindu guru who's hair do and facial expressions were stolen by Glen Danzig for his look in the late 80's and 90's. We got numbnutz detectives and psychologist. A female lead with no common sense, and a tad bit of good old hack n' slash. Not bad for a cheap public domain job. Better than a lot of big budget crap out today. A movie need not be done well in a technical manner at all times to be fun. Check it out.

Silent Night Bloody Night Mini Review

2007-10-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

What we have here is another piece of 70's sleaze in the old public domain. This one is about a house being sold by some old creeps last living relative. Winds up the house has a perverse history as an insane asylum ran by decadent doctors. Toss in a little incest to provide the source of said living relative, a few odd turns here and there. Wham 70's sleaze. Decent not great. Pretty creepy. It's better than Savage Weekend. Another odd pre-Halloween slasher.

Savage Weekend Mini Review

2007-10-31T08:46:00.001-07:00

Ah. This little pre-Halloween Slasher gem, was quite a piece of sleaze. It was more of a soft core pron at times. With a little bit of hack 'n slash tossed in. Even a twist ending that could be seen a mile away by a blind man. Not a high body count. And no death till almost two thirds through it. A decent waste of time. And an odd piece of 70's slasher sleaze. Give it a look.

The Hills Have Eyes Remake

2007-10-21T23:32:00.000-07:00

Well I finally caught this at the cheap cinema. I usually don't care for remakes but this was good. Alexandre Aja is the man, he actaully improved this in some ways. Probably also helped tha Wes Craven produced to give his two cents too. more blood, great KNB make up on the mutants. Awesome i may go see it again before it leaves the cheap cinema. This movie was awesome. Can't wait to se waht is next for MR. Aja.

Alice Cooper Welcome To My Nightmare Video

2007-10-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

Since I've Been on an Alice Cooper kick lately I bought another video. This one a vhs copy of the Welcome To My Nightmare special from '75.

This is twisted, creepy, and ok for kids at the same time. It was a collage of rock n roll, theatre, performance art, and old horror films and b flicks all in one. Great dance choreography, ok band but not The Alice Cooper Group. This was part of his first solo venturing. The band was more arty than the old band. The presentation was very surreal. I enjoyed it very much. Alice meets cabret meets Hammer Films meets 1950's and '60's eurohorror schlock. Awesome.

Parasite

2007-10-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

The first futuristic monstser movie my ass. It was all good cheese though. Where else could you see Cherie Curry attacked by a giant fanged sock puppet. Created by non other than Stan Winston. Damned did his work progress. Also watch for Demi Moore in her screen debut. Mad Max meets Alien on a Dollartree budget. Awesome

It Lives Again

2007-10-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, the second film in Larry Cohen's killer mutant baby trilogy. Well now we have the dad from the first one. Leading a crusade to save these killer babies from Washington bullets in the delivery room. Jump forth. Now we have 3 killer babies in an old manison being observed by doctors. Then they escape and all hell breaks loose. Kinda boring compared to the 1st one It's Alive. Nor is this installment as witty as the 3rd Island Of The Alive. Overall ok popcorn fun. Also the head of the Washington death sqaud, is the father of a killer baby as well.

Silent Rage

2007-10-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hello folks. Here we have an early 80's idea. On paper this had to look great. Umpteen time karate champion Chuck Norris versus indestructible psycho. A psycho that is one part Michael Myers, one part Frankenstein's monster, and one part Marcell Marceau. Throw in a scene or two with Sherif Chuck, Tae Kwon Doing some baddies. Sounds kinda cool. Well not quite, but it's all good cheese on that greasy drive in pizza.

We start out in some hick town in Texas in a rooming house. Screaming kids and their worn down mom carrying on. A sweaty kook wakes up and takes a call from his shrink. Tells him he can't take it , blah blah. A little later our sweaty kooky possible crackhead freaks out. Goes out to the garden gets an ax. And wham chases mommy up the stairs. Another boarder bust a chair on his head. Only to get the ax in his. The mom hides in a bedroom which is over top the roof to the porch. Why she doe'snt roll out the window and try to do a 10 foot jump I don't know. Oh yeah to become ax fodder. Not before yelling for help. Freaking out the mail man. A second later the cops arrive. Chuck goes in the house and fights with the nutjob. Who jumps the 10 feet off the porch roof. Chuck gives pursuit not before almost being shot by Barney Fife's fat cousin. His own deputy. The films attempt at comic relief. Chuck chases our killer down. Gives him a few of those high Tae Kwon Do kicks. Dodges a 2 x 4 and kicks him again. Finally after a tad bit of struggling. He gets the cuffs on him.

Now we get the freak in a cop car. Where he breaks his hand cuffs and sends the door of the car flying 10 feet. He starts hitting deputies and gets turned to swiss cheese. Oh and his shrink finally showed up.

Now we go to an operating room. Where his shrink and a couple of idiot mad doctors are fixing him up. Somehow he lives. Now this is not no regular hospital. It's also a bio lab of some sort. So our idiot scientist decided to inject some expieremental serum to speed up healing into our killer. Despite mild protest from the shrink. Who says this guy is better off dead. Well we inject a psycho killer with a drug that accelerates healing. 2+2 = 4. Madness shall ensue. After a good deal of script padding in lieu of stalking. Here is where the screen writer forgot to complete the 2nd act.

With that in mind. We meet the shrink's sister. Who just happens to be Sheriff Chuck's ex. Flames rekindle. For a love scene. Followed by more padding with Deputy Fatty, explaining how he put a puppy in the freezer to dry it off when he was a kid.

Now we get to a good scene. Some biker trouble at a bar. Deputy Fatty gets mesmerized by tattooed biker boobs. Then he is sent outside to call for back up. Instead he tells dispatch about said boobs. All the while Sherif Chuck is using his TKD skills on a dozen or so GG Allin style bikers. Chuck does have a little difficulty. Especially on the ground. This is years before Chuck started learning some grappling on the ground. That aside this is a good scene. With him punching and kicking the GG Allin biker club to hell and back. Finally when a biker is kicked out the window, Fatty calls for help. Next more script padding. Leading to scientist doping up the psycho with more super healing drugs. And Finally.

The psycho awakes. Gos to his shrinks house. Kills him and his wife. Not before getting a few bits of lead form his shrink though. The murders are discovered by Chuck's girlfriend. Chuck shows up , madman goes home like the prodigal son. Upon returning our psycho is cleaned up by his mad scientist handlers. They however have a change of heart and decide to inject him with poison and kill him. This does not work leading to the final rampage. Monster kills creators, then goes on spree of carnage. Kills Deputy Fatty, and some other schmoe. Gets kicked out windows, hit by a truck. Gets pulled down the road by the truck and blows up in the truck . Funny the truck lands by a creek. So our psycho can put out his flaming body. The idea of a healing drug also helps the film budget. See now we don't have to use any burn make up just a little scarring and blood.
The final battle ensues with Chuck using those flashy Korean kicks. Still struggling on the ground though. Finally Chuck kicks him down an old well. We end with the camera going down the well. And wham our psycho pops out of the water.
If this flick had a little more stalking and slashing in the middle it would have been better. An o.k piece of drive in cheese anyhow. Well just have to wait for that cross genre master piece. Where Myer's meets Sonny Chiba. lol

Godzilla 1985 & Godzilla vs, Mechagodzilla 2

2007-10-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

2 nights of the Big G. First off we had Godzilla 1985. His return to the big screen in the 80's. The copy I have is the American Version. Which has a bunch of Cold War Overtones inserted. Along with a couple of shots of blatant DR. Pepper product placement. This was also somewhat a return to the horror elements of the 1954 original. Which this is a psuedo sequel/remake of.

Next we had the 1993 version of Godzilla Vs. MechaGodzilla 2. This had to be the pound for pound most action packed Godzilla movie in a long time. Tons of monster battles and city smashing. This time around Mecha G is a weapon to quell Godzilla. Rodan also makes an appearence. As well as an updated baby Godzilla. Can't wait to show this one too my son.

Godzilla Final Wars

2007-10-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

The most ADD of any Big G film ever. At least that I've seen. Man you got Big G kicking ass all over though. MTV video style. Monsters wreaking havoc just the same. And for a change the human story was somewhat cool. This was over 2 hours and felt like 30 minutes. He even kicks the 1998 Godzilla remake monster's ass. In like 20 seconds. Only complaint some of the human stuff had a Matrix vibe. I've never sat through a whole Matrix movie. Although the Asians did invent that crap first.
Well now the kid can't watch any of the old Godzilla movies without getting bored. Ah well.

John Carpenter's Ghost Of Mars.

2007-10-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

Here we have Carpenter's last theatrical film as of this writing. And not as bad as some thought including myself. It's basically a version of Carpenter's own Assault On Precinct 13 on Mars.

You know we have the murderer and the cops that gotta go and pick him up, blah etc. So lets get to some of our cast. Pam Grier as a lesbo police captain. Natasha Henstridge as our main space pill poppin' protagonist. Jason Statham as a macho cop constantly spitting cheesy innuendo. Clea Duvall as the rookie cop. And Ice Cube as the outlaw Desolation Williams. A crappy composite of Snake Plissken and Napoleon Wilson from past Carpenter ventures. It is my opinion the roles should have been switched between Cube and Statham. Statham would make a better over the top outlaw. Well to the nitty gritty.

Our possse goes to a small mining town to collect old Desolation. Only to find the town trashed. The only survivors being the criminals in the clink. Seems something is afoul. With dismembered bodies hanging all over to and fro like holiday decorations. The posse splits up and goes a lookin' around. And the old lesbo gets her noggin skewered on a stake. We find a guy apparently losing his mind. He kills himself. We also have some crack pot scientist in the jail explaining the story in a quickie flashback within a flashback. Did I mention this is told as a flashback?

Well apparently in another town nearby, an old Martian tomb or some such is discovered. Our scientist pal is brought into check it out. She finds a door with some alien glyphs on it. Probably saying do not enter. so she opens it. And out comes some spirits that posses the town's folk. Turing them into a bunch of squatter punk crack heads, being lead around by Marylin Manson on steroids. All hell ensues Scientist escapes.

To the point. Freaks tear up the next town. Our hero's try and fight. Those damned sqautter bums though. Just keep jumping bodies when killed. Hell even old Natasha gets possessed and wards of the ghost with her space pills. Then we steal from former Carpenter flicks, like Escape From NY, and Assault. Including blowing up a tank filled with flammable gas. Well lots of good old fashioned non cgi rumbling goes on. Chopped up limbs etc. Finally ending up with Natasha and Cube on a train. Cube handuffs her to a rail and escapes, as Natasha still feels the need to arrest him after he saved her ass 500 times. Well gets out. Finally we go back to Natasha wrapping up her speech the matriarch of Mars. She goes to her quarters passes out, and wham. An alarm goes off. The town is under attack. Finally old Cube shows up and tosses her a nice shiny submachine gun. And off they go to kick more ass.

An Afternoon Of 80's Action In The Early 90's

2007-10-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend I watched Marked For Death and Out For Justice with Steven Segal. As we know most times Segal plays basically the same character a seemingly invincible, foul mouthed mutha. His first few films are ok, then there was a decline in the late 90's. That still seems to last to this day with his now straight to video releases.

First off we have Marked For Death. This is a tale of overly comical Rastafari trying to deal dope in a small suburban town. Segal knocks one out in a bar. During a gunfight between them and local gangsters. This marks his family for death. What we get is a drive by where his young niece is shot. Thus forcing him to come out for revenge. And wow. We get a car chase with some sidewalk cafe destruction, ending in a fight in a department store. With rasta boys getting their arms broke, hit in the balls, shot, stabbed. Lovely mayhem. All this and voodoo abound. Earlier we also get where Segal kills a local mobster and a rasta walks in and decides to jump out the window to his death. Rather than be dragged around town by Segal to set him up as a snitch. Then finally Segal inavdes Jamaica. Aikidoing a bunch more rastas. And killing not one, but 2 head honchos. As they were twins you see. He cuts the first ones head off. Then he shows it to the rasta gang. Who believe their leader to be resurrected. Twins must not exist in Jamaica. Then he aikidos a few more henchmen. And the 2nd twin oh my.

The second baddy. Well the fight is longer of course. More dynamic. And when Segal gets on the offensive. He slashes the dudes face down the middle. Pokes out his eyes. Puts him in a pro wrestling style back breaker. And finally throws the bastard down an elevator shaft. Where he is impaled at the bottom. Awesome B action. 80's style done in 1990.

Then Out For Justice. In the first 2 minutes Segal aikidos a pimp senseless. Then his partner is killed by a chubby Richard Forsythe. And the carnage ensues. Held together by either scenes of Segal doing a bad Brando type acting job, or by montage scenes of driving around Brooklyn, or killings by Forsythe, or of police raids looking for old Forsythe. This glues togther some rather great carnage in the fight scenes. See Segal put a meat cleaver in some dudes leg. Then use said cleaver on another dude. While breaking wrists, trashing the deli and hitting dude with a role of lunch meat. Next he goes in a bar. Knocks out some teeth, breaks wrist and noses, hits people in the balls, sticks people in phone booths. Trashes the bar etc. Next he goes to his ex wifes. Some thugs try to kill her and his son. He shoots one or maybe two. And the final one is unarmed and he throws him out of a window to his death. Forsythe's crack fueled mayhem can't hold a candle to our hero's. So I won't mention it.

Finally Segal corners Forsythe and his gang at some hooker's house. More broken wrist and carnage, as he aikidos, karates, and even shotguns every bastard in sight. Legs go flying you name it. Finally he aikidos the shit out of crack head Forsythe, along with using a frying pan, table leg, a knife, and a corkscrew. Most of which Forsythe tried on him first. Gotta love crazy action flicks like this. Now we got people like Vin Diesel, and family friendly sissies like Will Smith. Why oh why?

Assault On Precinct 13 (1976)

2007-10-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

Ah, John Carpenter's second effort. Great score, great action, suspense, everything that would make Halloween and Escape From New York great. The gang was very creepy they never spoke and charged with no fear. The good guys were great. Austin Stoker and Darwin Joston as the proto Snake Plisken stood out in particular. This blows the crap out of the 2005 remake. This was a sign that good things were to come from Carpenter down the line.

I really liked how the gang cleaned up it's mess after every attack, cut the phone, the power everything. And was a multi racial group at that. Like most movie gangs. Well I'm tired. More to Come.

Night Warning Quickie Rant (BBFC Video Nasty)

2007-09-20T19:54:00.001-07:00

Night Warning 1983.
Well what we got here is a seemingly little known hunk of well done sleaze. Not a real high body count. Issues such as incest, homophobia, homosexuality, hard headed cops, schizo old bittys you name it. This is a twisted little flick well worth finding. Bo Svenson is great as the hard headed loud mouthed creepy police detective. A particular scene ups the sleaze ante when Svenson is yelling at a room full of cops on how crime is up. And all the crimes he mentions are all child molestation, rape, etc. And this is a small hick town. Must be Elmwood Place Ohio aka Land Of The Crackhead Dead.

Well to do a quick rap. This is a pretty solid creppy little flick. It has some elements of both Carrie and Fade To Black. Well worth more than one dollar I payed for it.

More reviews and rants to come soon and more detail.
Scott

Game of Death Quick Review

2007-09-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, it seems we have here the big studio entry into "Bruceploitation". I have done some brief research into this goofy,and somewhat disrespectful, yet somewhat entertaining piece of cheese. Seems prior to filming Enter the Dragon. Bruce Lee filmed some demo footage and a fight scene in a multi-level pagoda. Well all get here is the truncated version of the fight in the pagoda. All cool footage though of the real Bruce at the end of the film. Particularly the fight with tall ass Kareem Abdul Jabaar. And the rest is goofy cheese.

We get a couple of dudes doubling as Bruce. And some goofy stock footage as well as his face glued to a mirror in one shot. I tell you goofy. There are some cool fights though, orchestrated by chubby old Sammo Hung. Who appears in the film himself as a kick boxer.

To the point now I'm tired lol. We get a kung fu actor being harassed by the mob. Who attempt to kill him on set by shooting him. Freaky enough. Bruce's son Brandon was accidentally shot on a film set 20 years after his dad died. Ok back to the Game.The double seeks revenge on the mobsters who were played by various by then has beens, and a few martial arts guys, and a fake Kareem.Who was even doubled accept for the end fight. This is a piece of moldy cheese sludge. Catch it in the budget bin. I do plan on doing a review on a true Bruceploitation film starring Bruce Li here down the road. Well Good Night.

Idiots and Cell Phones.

2007-09-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

Ok , what is the deal with everyone in the world having to yack on a cell phone whilst doing another more important task? And now if that is not enough, the phones are more than a phone. They are home entertainment centers. Video, music, text , email, microwave oven, stun gun, pocket knife, can opener, rectal thermometer, built in clip with 2 .22 caliber bullets ala a derringer, and a morning after pill dispenser fo' the shorties after a hard night of clubbin'

The above I just described is the new swiss army model phone. I believe it will make old Steve Jobs crap his pants. As he is busy trying to develop the I-Lover. A sixteen speed sex toy/cell phone. Can't wait.

Vigilante Film Review

2007-09-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

Ah, Revenge Flicks. Such lovely cheese. Here we have a flick with Fred "The Hammer" Williamson and Robert Forster.

What we got here is some 80's exploitation by one William Lustig (Maniac, Manic Cop films etc). We got a regular Joe whose wife gets assaulted and son gets killed by a group of typical 80's freaks. You know the equal opportunity style street gangs. You know made of all races and creeds. Well anyway. A crooked attorney and inept judge let loose one of the freaks responsible. The Joe played by Robert Forster gets 30 days for contempt and is sent to jail. Where he almost gets raped etc. Meanwhile he works oddly enough with a gang of vigilantes at some factory. What we get is some cool beatings of scumbags, goofy car chases,kind of sloppy editing etc. Overall worth the buck I payed. Hell even the crooked judge gets his in the seemingly rushed kind of tacked on ending. I know this is cheap sleaze but it still seems to be missing some scenes or something. Oh Well , all in good fun . And better than any big budget Michael Bay crap.